The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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