I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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