John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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