People with herpes should wear stickers.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Found your dick twin last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
