between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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