So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude i'm inner monologue high
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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