using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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