nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
