Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
