he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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