5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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