I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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