In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
