you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize