dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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