Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize