I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
