I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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