A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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