It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
