Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
