That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
