we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
