Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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