I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
