I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
