Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
