Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
