just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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