she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
