I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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