Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
