Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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