Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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