I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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