The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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