I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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