Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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