I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i drank out of a bidet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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