Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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