tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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