I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
