Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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