Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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