Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
