Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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