What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
