pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
