I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
