you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
