i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
