WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
