I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
