I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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