I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
