Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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