Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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