Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Randomize
