Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
