eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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