i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
