walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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