I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
