I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like eating out sand paper
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
