Jerry, you need to find god
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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