That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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