Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
