Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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