my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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