he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
