Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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