omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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