I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
