This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
