You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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