the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
