drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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