You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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