girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
