You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you could order shots online.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize