fuck your aforementioned shoe
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
