Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
