I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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