I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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