he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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