And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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