So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
