I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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