I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize