Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
