Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
